things i forgot i knew

when john and i decided to embark on this crazy adventure known as audit staff, we knew that while it was an incredible opportunity, it was also going to be tough. we talked in length about our expectations, how much time we would get to spend together, what adjustments we would need to make in order to survive. we both acknowledged that it may get very lonely at times and that we would need to do things to combat that when necessary. we agreed that it would be harder on me taking care of henry almost always by myself. i knew all of this going into it, but talking about it and experiencing it are two very different things.

in the last week i have been coming out of a funk that i hadn't even realized i was in. things have been so busy with trips back home and celebrating henry's birthday that i didn't fully see or understand what was happening inside of me. i was sad, lonely, and frustrated. you see, i am without any adult interaction for a lot of my days. other than facebook, an occasional phone call, or meeting john for an hour at lunchtime, i don't really see or talk to anyone older than 1 from 7:30am to anywhere from 8pm - after midnight. and while i love henry with all my being, i haven't had the right balance to enjoy taking care of him the way that i want to. and that made the sadness more intense, adding to the cycle of emotions swirling within me.

what broke the cycle and stopped the downward spiral was merely a reminder. a gentle answer to the question, "what am i doing?", that came after the 375th diaper change that day. i remembered i was caring for my beautiful son, that changing his diaper is necessary for his health and well being, and feeding him is important because it keeps him alive and helps him grow. he needs me to live and grow well. he needs me, and it is an honor to care for him.

it sounds so simple that some may wonder how i ever forgot it. but in the day to day routine of diapers and food and bathing and playing and comforting, those truths can get lost. i knew all of it, but i needed to remember. i think a lot of moms need that, too. i have been working on a project for over a year now for moms, and i hope to complete it soon. after all, we all need reminders. here is one of mine:





i hope to have all of henry's birthday photos posted by next weekend (after his actual birthday), and stay tuned for lauren and david's fabulous wedding photos coming soon! here are two candids that show you ...

1. how gorgeous the wedding was:





and 2. how much fun it was!





lauren found me through my former bride leah, of leah and ryan! ryan was one of david's groomsmen, and it was great to see these two again. i love it when i see my former couples at weddings! and look how happy they are!





and they (and by they, i mean ryan) are still as crazy as ever!